I give up!!!!! I have been following my son since he started school at the age of 3. I have repeated all the lessons he did at school because when he came home he said that he doesn't know how to work it out! Now he's eleven and he's been in his room h5 hours to do his long multiplications, i really don't know why it takes him so long. I've tried keeping him lose to me, i've tried doing the same homework whilst he's doing his but nothing seems to work! When school starts our mother son relationship changes..... i've decided not to insist any longer and let him do everything on his own and suffer the consequences. I hope that this will help him become more responsible! I've wept my eyes out these last 8 years because all we want for him is to make life easier for him. I hope this last decision will help.
Sep 23, 2011 Rating
Finding by: Hui
My son is in the 4th grade. He has a lot of report and writing homework. He also lied to me that there is no homework, or he get it done already.... So from now on, I contact his teacher directly and then check with him. When I go to school to pick him up, I make sure he bring everything back.
I have stopped yelling at him, but sit there with him until he get his work done, even it is 11 o'clock. I told him that is the natural consquences. He was tired.
Colorado schools introduce "Love and Logic", but it still was hard for me to find consquences. Within all the books Jim Fay wrote, I like "Discipline with love and logic" the most. It taught me to think of the consquences of real life.
If my son go to work in an office, what would happen without finish his work? He will need to work overtime on his own time to get it done.
The most important thing for me is how to control my temper, so he can not displace his anger on me but himself, so he can focused on his own problem not my emotions.
I hope empathy can save our relationship. I let him know that I really feel bad that he has to stay late and he will be tired and hard to forcus tomorrow. "Next time, I will try to remind you to start your homework early."
I am still learning and reading. Local library and school library have many books for Love and Logic by Jim Fay and Foster Cline, M.D. The other one I like is " The Pearls Love and Logic for Parents and Teachers"
My son get a really good teacher this year. She make him feel she cares about him and she is (expecting,and waiting) to see his good work.
Apr 28, 2010 Rating
What will their quality of life be? by: Anonymous
My husband and I have the same scenarios as well! Our 8th grade son has almost straight F's and he just doesn't care. He has lost all privilages, XBox, TV, computer (except for homework assignments)and hanging out with friends in general. We give him chance after chance, a clean slate consistently and finally, the school counselor and I decided to move him to the online classes, similar to homeschool. We figure there's nothing to lose at this point. And I will oversee his online work. What is nice is how he can take his work to the "babysitters" house. Go figure, an 8th grader needing a babysitter. Well, I can't trust him to do his work on his own, so, he will have to experience an uncomfortable situation. The biggest problem though is that my 4th grader is following in the same footsteps. And to top it off, he is more stubborn than the older. Its to the point where he is now literally turning off his mind the second he enters school. Daydreaming, not paying any attention. I get on a daily basis an email from his teacher. At first I thought she was just over exagerating, however when I sit with him, its like he doesn't care. Finally, I decided that for every night he doesn't bring home work (and I know he has it) he will have to owe me money. Even if he doesn't have any money, I will sell his valuables. We will see how this works. I feel like we have all suffered this year because of the stubborness of my children. I feel like they are spoiled and have no idea what it takes to make a living. Any suggestions?
Jan 24, 2009 Rating
MY SON WON'T DO HIS HOMEWORK. ANY SUGGESTIONS BESIDES WHAT YOU READ BELOW. by: Anonymous
My son also doesn't care about the consequences of not doing homework. He'll lie about it. His school has a homework page, he'll say,"Oh, I did it in school or we didn't get as far as the teacher thought, so we were told not to do it." He's already failed once, we tried the sink or swim that his pediatrician mentioned. Just doesn't see the importance, I guess. He's in 9th grade, should be in 10th. We have tried everything, from testing for ADD, taking away privileges..ipod, xbox, tv, phone, you name it, we've probably done it. We've tried motivating him with things he wants. Get B and C's you'll get your learners permit, every A you get we'll give you $30, B's $20 and so on. I know, you shouldn't bribe someone to do something, but you get desperate. We tried everything we could think of. Even asked his teacher to keep him after. Which the teachers don't like. I think they blame school problems on parents. He has had tutors, other family members talk to him, teachers, even the principal at school sat him down and told him the importance of doing his best. We've had special folders, planners signed by teachers, grounding, ignoring h/w and telling him he's on his own, even told him I was going to school to ask the teacher why doesn't have h/w. He said fine. Shocked him when I showed up at school before he had time to get on the bus, when he looked confused as to why I was there, I said we're going to your teacher. I want to tell her its just gets you in trouble when she lists h/w on the web and you don't have to do it. Its amazing, he still though I was bluffing. It took him until we were outside her door before he said, "I forgot to do it." (sure he did). I should also mention he also gets plenty of love and attention from us, he idolizes his brother, who did his work, and I has tried talking to him. I don't work, his dad is home every night. I've given him every opportunity to tell me why he won't do it. I even said if there's some problem you don't want to tell me or dad, then talk to someone else. There isn't anything I can see wrong, he just doesn't care. He now has an hour of tv on Sat. mornings and then he's to sit down at kitchen table (I'm always around) and do homework or he can just sit there for hour and do nothing. We'll see if that works. Oh and the screaming out of frustration doesn't work either. He then blames me and says as long as I yell at him he's not doing anything. I used to feel bad because he'd go to his room in a big tantrum, lay in bed until I'd go up and say I'm sorry and blah, blah,blah. Now when he goes to his room, I go up and make him come back down. Hopefully one day he'll get it. Sorry this was so long.
Jan 11, 2009 Rating
motivating kids by: Anonymous
My son just says "I don't care" when we discuss the consequences for not doing his homework. And he can drag it out for a whole semester.!!
